Dude, it feel like ages since i last post on this blog... I missed those free time... well, not actually that i didn't have time at all. frankly speaking i've been down on my mood for quite sometime..... lol... I may have told about it that i like someone by the initial RQ. I thought that she was 'alone' in some sense and yah i did my research on her. However, i dunno that she had someone in mind already. It really broke my heart to learn about that truth. =p Frankly speaking again, she is the first girl that i liked after 17 years of living in this world. Sigh........ i know i'm being very choosy and my criteria is a bit high.... but i didn't expect it would be this hard to attract a girl's attention. What's worse is that she totally ignore me for like a few months before she actually smiled at me again (this is bad T.T she makes it harder for me to let her go... her smile really shines my world)..... But this also is a good indication (sil~~~~~ence) at least i still have a chance in her heart. Well, i guess my only goal rite now is to success and build good relationship with her first before doing any other stupid thing again... hahaha...
This one my seems funny to u but it is not for me..... There is another girl who i met every morning on my way to school in the train.... Its not that i'm interested in her or something but its just that i feel bored on my way to school. Henceforth, i started talking to her as a fren and i thought that we are close enough to joke around and to complain about things together...... out of all blues, she suddenly stop talking to me or even look at my existency anymore...... i really find it weird. I tried to re-call what bad deeds that i've done (countless actually) but i can't find anything that could hurt her feelings. Seriously, i was bewildered. I pluck up my courage after many silence and ignorance to ask her through sms on what is going on....... and this is her reply to me... 'Erm, i dun knw hw to giv u e answer, bt ya, i think at e moment, we hav to kp it tix way cox i dun lik ppl talking behind my back. i hav a bf n it's nt reali nice to let me/him to be stuck in such difficulties. Even though he trust me alot, i tink as a gf, i shld at least stop certain rumours within e sch so that me n him or even u wont get affected. Ppl who r close to me, knw that im super close to my bf n bothparties dun harm each other. Bt others, i dare nt make e claim. hope u understand.' This message clearly tell me a few things then.
1. i'm a nobody to her
2. i'm just a third party to her existency
3. she forsake our friendship because of certain rumours
4. she doesn't know how does a fren feels about this
5. she don't even care if i disappeared
This is such a mixed feeling. At one side, i feel that its true that we should not be too close in order not to break her relationship with her bf. At another, i feel really disappointed with her.... Its just a rumour for goodness sake..... wad do you expect from a rumour.... and more importantly, she doesn't even tell me about what she is doing and didn't trust this old buddy of hers.... its really hurting on how a fren turn her back on me. Its like history is repeating itself. Its really traumatised me...... I just dun wish to re-call it back... Maybe i should stop wishing her to come back as my fren again..... she really scares me..... i dun wan to get BACKSTABBED again by someone who i feel close enough to me. I'm really scared. T_T.... X.X
This world is really full of mystery... well, i actually remembered Cat's b'day and wanted to celebrate her b'day.... well, my actual purpose is actually to bring the class back together again... I miss the jokes, the freshly made laughing stock that we created together as a class... I miss the laughter of my classmates... As time goes by, it seems more and more people are dropping out of this war. I feel real emptiness in me..... I have no one in the class to turn to anymore.... Ya, Poly-Elene, jolene and daniella are still around and they do cheer me up when i'm down....... but its just that my close buddy has all left me..... Khairul, khairi and cat...... those three are the people i usually talk to about myself..... i just feel good being around them and thats why i missed the time when we laugh together.... not to forget the silly jokes that federer and jacky gogo made in class as chairman and vice...... or even bryan with his super crazy ideas.... those are really dear memories to me. I just hope that one day, we can have a proper whole class reunion. =).
Speaking of reunion.... it just came to me about my old secondary classmate.... I miss my indo gangs like der, ron, gil, wj, yess, keesh, ira and many other... oh ya zg, Ja, ben, jun wei, the twins, oh ya vicky, ah and etcssssss....... I miss how they progress sia.... esp. my Indo gang =p.... cause some of them actually went overseas and has been long since i recieve news about them. Even yess and keesh and even ira....... I miss them =) seriously..... hahaha..... well, i hope wj is kind enough to organize another reunion next year... hahaha.... well, i guess thats all for tonight... that sure feels memorable and a little bit of my weight seems to leave me...... i just hope to find a good time to complain about my current school... hahaha...
Love is to be shared with someone and sharing it doesn't mean to posses him or her but to Give him or her happiness! ~ By RyuHinata
